If you clicked to this article expecting a fancy list of craft beers and home brews, well I’m [not] sad to say, you’ll be disappointed.
This is the Super Bowl. Football’s biggest game. It has a pre-game show, dozens of commercials and a friggin’ concert smack right in the middle. This requires the popping of many cans. You don’t really plan to chug 10 White Rascals, do you? (Hello, hammered.) And really, if you are using a bottle opener, you are probably doing it wrong.
Now let’s get to it …
Natural Bohemian: Or if you aren’t a jerk, Natty Boh! This will be the beer of choice for most Ravens fans, as the brew originally hails from Baltimore. The beer’s mascot, cheeky winking man Mr. Boh, even keeps his one eye on watch over the city from atop a building. Holy crap, he’s cute!
BL Nums: A lot of beer snobs like to turn their nose up at Bud Light. But they can’t say anything now that there is …. PLATINUM. If you like America, a good ol’ fashioned celebraish, carnal vibes, or wearing your hair in a pony – this is the beer for you. Seal of approval: @DadBoner.
Probably Nothing From San Francisco: They pretty much only have that fancy craft stuff. These people tried to find a few beers for those cheering on the “quest for six”, but the list looks like it’s probably a bunch of brands trying to out-hipster each other on the labels. But don’t take my word for it.
Coors Light: BECAUSE THE MOUNTAINS ARE BLUE WHEN THE BEER IS COLD. Magic and beer. No further explanation necessary. (Well, and sometimes your hand isn’t enough to tell the temperature, right? … RIGHT?)
Michelob Ultra: Since the female ratio is always higher at Super Bowl viewing parties than any other football Sunday, better impress them with the LOWEST CARBOHYDRATE beer! And maybe some carrots.
So maybe you think we just looked at a list of the worst beer ever, but I’d say you’ve just gotten snobby in your old age. Tap into your 18-year-old self … beer was beer and it did its job.